Feeling different

It’s funny, it really takes very little change to notice the difference. I have lost six pounds, and I don’t think I look different at all, but I feel different. That motivates me to do more, up my commitment to myself and my change process. Drink more water, take a walk every day, be wise about how I spend my money.

I haven’t replaced the things that were stolen from my home, so I still don’t have internet access. I go to cafes or stay late at work, but then can’t really remember what I did online for so long each day. Now I read or knit or watch a movie. I no longer feel the urge to go online the minute I wake up in the morning. I no longer play Mah-jong online or on my computer. The idea of doing so is boring, actually. How is it that I was addicted to it for so long?

Today I went through some old files, intending to throw things away, and found a compendium of my personal history. There was the travel diary my family (mostly me) made in 1961, the year we drove to Texas. The picture I drew when I was 8, of a goat behind a bush because I couldn’t figure out how to draw a whole goat, as assigned. There is the newpaper article and photo of me on the day Rev. Hensley ordained 5000 people into the Universal Life Church. There are papers and papers I wrote in college, when I took personal writing classes. They tell my history, how I felt and thought about the things that were happening to me at the time. Then there are the ones I wrote and had published, the teaching articles. I’ve been on writing hiatus for a while, I think. What’s next? Dive back into the novel I began during NaNoWriMo in November? I haven’t even reread it yet. I’m almost ready to do so, but I’m kind of afraid to read it, much less to take on revising and finishing it. However! I’m feeling different, so I guess maybe anything could happen. !Andele!

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