Letting go is so messy

I have decided I need to do some big decluttering in my life, beginning with my home.  Valiently I began this effort two days ago, and plowed through my bedroom, kitchen and bathroom.  Today I worked on my office: the binders, books and papers that were stacked in various places.  By the end of the day I was unglued.  It seems like all I can do is move stuff.  The more I try to get rid of thingsthe more things I find that I don’t know what to do with, I can’t seem to just let go.  Like what do I do with the DVD burner I bought and never used?  I don’t feel I should take it to the Salvation Army.  Save it for my classroom?  I don’t know – will I ever use it there, or will it just be clutter there?  The binders and dividers can definitely be used in the classroom, but there isn’t one yet so they are stacked up here.  That beat goes on and on.

Then once I go through stuff, I start seeing other things that I just don’t need to hang on to.  Things to which I once attached value, but which I no longer even look at.  And then after I go through it all once, I feel braver and want to go through it again and lose even more stuff.  I couldn’t bear to part with my grandmother’s mink jacket.  Yet I absolutely know I will never ever wear such a thing.  The quilt batts?  Those are going to a neighbor.  I know that if I ever quilt again, I’ll just buy a new batt and the old ones will still be taking up half of a closet.  For all I know they are full of mice and moths.  I haven’t looked at them for years.  YEARS!  But they are a relic of a different time of me.  A time when I did art and was good at it.  I know I can still do it, but I don’t.

I thought it was just stuff, but there’s so much emotion attached to this process.  No wonder they say clutter holds your dreams.  It’s true, on a variety of levels.  I can’t walk through parts of my house because of all my stuff, yet letting go of it feels like letting go of part of myself.  I know that it is just things, and I don’t think I’m a person who is especially attached to things, but there it is.  I think I should also be detoxing my body, to declutter the inside as well as my environment, but that is completely beyond me this week…deep breath.  I can take this slowly.  It doesn’t have to be all done this week does it?  I think not.  I can even schedule carpet cleaning for a couple of weeks from now.  NBD.  Deep breath…

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