Lately the universe seems to want to teach me a lesson about making myself happy, reminding me that my happiness is my own business and my own responsibility. This force is devious, I must say. I have had lots of chronic, nagging discontent all around the edges of my existence lately, and I finally realize that even when other people are involved with it, the blame for my reaction to the events that befall me is completely my own. I know, big d’oh. Sometimes I forget this.
Yesterday, at the end of another week like many before it, and probably many more to come, I was feeling on the edge of something teetery. I drove home with tears hovering at the edges of my eyes, for no reason I could have verbalized even if there had been anyone around to notice them. I thought of going home, and what I would do with myself other than lay down and dissolve, and it occurred to me, not for the first time, but with some force, that I’m tired of feeling this way and it’s time I do something about it.
The first thing that came to mind was re-creating the feeling of safe haven that I need in my home, and which I have been feeling too dilapidated to make for many months now. In times of feeling battered by the world around me, the most important thing I can do is create a sanctuary for myself, someplace from which to step forth refreshed each morning.
A few months ago I made the resolve that I would accept any and all invitations that come my way this year. I tend to hermit up and go nowhere, and this year I decided to change that paradigm. Today I realized that not only must I accept invitations, I need to issue some. So that’s my next step, after I reconnect with my safety, inviting friends to do something fun. Mixed in all this is the need for creativity (my photography outings make me ridiculously happy!), and for recentering myself on a regular basis through meditation or prayer. Something like that.
Hmm, this is sounding curiously like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, isn’t it? Physical safety, nutritional and exercise needs met, check. Moving up, satisfy creativity, check. Making connections with other people, check. Honoring my spirituality, check. It really is all in my hands. That is nice to know. A little scary too.