Making lemonade

img_3740Lately the universe seems to want to teach me a lesson about making myself happy, reminding me that my happiness is my own business and my own  responsibility.  This force is devious, I must say.  I have had lots of chronic, nagging discontent all around the edges of my existence lately, and I finally realize that even when other people are involved with it, the blame for my reaction to the events that befall me is completely my own.  I know, big d’oh.  Sometimes I forget this.

Yesterday, at the end of another week like many before it, and probably many more to come, I was feeling on the edge of something teetery.  I drove home with tears hovering at the edges of my eyes, for no reason I could have verbalized even if there had been anyone around to notice them.  I thought of going home, and what I would do with myself other than lay down and dissolve, and it occurred to me, not for the first time, but with some force, that I’m tired of feeling this way and it’s time I do something about it.

The first thing that came to mind was re-creating the feeling of safe haven that I need in my home, and which I have been feeling too dilapidated to make for many months now.  In times of feeling battered by the world around me, the most important thing I can do is create a sanctuary for myself, someplace from which to step forth refreshed each morning.

A few months ago I made the resolve that I would accept any and all invitations that come my way this year.  I tend to hermit up and go nowhere, and this year I decided to change that paradigm.  Today I realized that not only must I accept invitations, I need to issue some.  So that’s my next step, after I reconnect with my safety, inviting friends to do something fun. Mixed in all this is the need for creativity (my photography outings make me ridiculously happy!), and for recentering myself on a regular basis through meditation or prayer.  Something like that.

Hmm, this is sounding curiously like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, isn’t it?  Physical safety, nutritional and exercise needs met, check. Moving up, satisfy creativity, check.  Making connections with other people, check.  Honoring my spirituality, check.  It really is all in my hands.  That is nice to know.  A little scary too.

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5 thoughts on “Making lemonade

  1. dkzody says:

    Round up those friends and go do something fun.

    My girlfriends and I are heading for Pleasanton next weekend. We’ll just have lunch and shop, but the trip will be a fun diversion from the demands of daily living.

    One of my girlfriends has some serious health issues, having almost died a few years ago. We know time is short so we try to do these trips every so often, just to get away and laugh and spend time together.

  2. lynnjake says:

    Thanks Delaine. The Pleasanton trip sounds fun. There is a big mall there isn’t there? My parents used to live in Alamo which isn’t far from there. I’m looking forward to doing something fun! I’m making progress on my house today, which feels good, and tonight am going out for sushi with some friends. Making lemonade!

  3. stuckinmypedals says:

    Okay, Lynn, it is so appropriate that I would read this entry on a day when I am at home in the wake of a full blown pity party. After a couple of crying jags, I gave myself the “enough is enough” talk and drug my sorry self into the shower. Then I tidied up my house, opened the blinds, planned a date night for hubby and I, bought some books, and invited a friend to dinner this week. Ah, the sweet taste of creating a little joy in my life. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Bonnie K says:

    Did it make you feel better to write out your feelings here, Lynn?
    As I read this post I felt for you and marveled at how well you could write out your moment, so clear and well-crafted in language.
    Life is tough to live,
    Bonnie

  5. lynnjake says:

    Alicia – Your comment is interesting – maybe there was something blowing in the wind this weekend! Or in the rain.

    Bonnie – Yes it did make me feel better in some way. When I can verbalize what I’m feeling I’m able to step back and get some perspective on it. Not that it necessarily makes anything go away immediately, but I am able to see it all a little differently I think. Thanks.

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