Some days a miracle would come in handy. Today was one of those days, sort of. It started out okay, like any other vacation day. I did my normal things, took a shower, got dressed, put on a little makeup and went down to the cafe for a morning cuppa. I sat down with a couple of friends and we were talking about nothin’ much when suddenly a comment flew that spoiled it all for me. I won’t bore you with the details; it was about the things I say, but it led me to a long day of introspection and second guessing myself. (Read that beating myself up.) When I came home I told my daughter about the comment and she said, “Maybe you just can’t hear yourself.” Well, that did not make it better. I spent the rest of the day, when I wasn’t taking a nap, thinking about myself. What a bore of a person I must be. How I would just not talk any more. To anyone, because it seems that I have nothing much of value to say. Just bla, bla, blah. Even I was bored thinking about it. Believe me, I dredged up some old stuff. Old. Now it’s night time and I think, “Oh well. I’ve come this far and it’s too late to change my personality. For anyone. If I’m not interesting, or I sell myself short sometimes or I don’t always know what I want, so be it. If today can be a reminder to me to be kind to others, to listen without judging, then it wasn’t such a bad thing.”
And if it lights a fire under me and gets me moving on a few of my intended projects then a miracle will have occurred. I did put my old Adirondack chair on the balcony. It didn’t fit through the door, so I put it on top of the hot tub and wrapped a long extension cord around three points of it and hauled it up and over the balcony railing. That I succeeded at that and didn’t ruin both the chair and the hot tub is a miracle indeed, so there you have it. A little miracle already.