I think that caffeine and I are headed for a breakup. I love coffee, I really do. Iced or hot, with milk or in a latte. But to tell the truth, I’ve never been real good at handling the caffeine. If I drink my latte straight, with full caffeine, I get mean. I do. I find myself snapping at people, tapping my foot and counting in my head a lot. Kind of OCD stuff. The kind of thing that makes me ashamed the instant after a snappy remark leaves my lips. In my position, I can’t afford to be mean, not to kids, so for a few months now, I have drunk my coffee ‘half caf,’ which suits me fine. I still get the taste and the companionship of other coffee drinkers, but I am able to hold myself back from my inborn snarkiness. At least most of the time I can hold myself back. Well, maybe not as much as I like to think.
I will say that I used to be able to have a cup of coffee after dinner (in a restaurant, never at home), and still go to sleep okay. But apparently that has changed. The last two times I’ve had coffee in the afternoon, OMG. I thought I’d never come down. Really, it was like I was on speed or something. My stomach hurt, my fingers were constantly tapping, every breath made my thoughts jump to another topic.
It reminded me of when I quit smoking pot about forty years ago because every time I did it, I became so paranoid I couldn’t stand it, until finally I said “Enough!” and that was enough. Twice in the past two weeks I’ve been up at all hours of the night reading, thinking, roaming around because my ex-friend caffeine was running rampant in my head. Last night I imagined I heard someone trying to get into my backyard (which is locked), and I ended up watching something involving a big vehicle and red lights at the neighbor’s house behind my fence. At midnight, and I get up at 5:00 A.M. I still have no idea what was going on there, and it’s absolutely none of my business. I was just awake. Not a pretty picture.
Yeah, so I guess we’re breaking up. Just in case you were wondering.