Stuck. I’ve got lots to say but apparently no words. I sit to write and after a sentence or two, I’m dry and judgemental about whatever I just wrote. This has been going on for a while now. Months, actually. Maybe it’s time for a list of things. Just things – who know what will emerge? First a photo. Eye candy, maybe.
1. On August 1 I began working out at a gym, with a personal trainer. Before I began I went in to be interviewed, and to interview them.I went with trepidation because I hadn’t worked out in a very long time. I didn’t know if anyone could help me or if I’d missed the fitness boat. I had grown overweight and not at all strong. I didn’t believe I could do hard things because of that. When I went to that first meeting, I was completely honest.I said that I felt this might be my last chance to regain some strength. I said that I want to lose weight, but even more I want to be stronger and flexible. I want to be able to carry my grandchild around. John, one of the owners, said he thought that we could work well together. I signed up for a series of personal training. The first day, as I drove to the gym I realized that had I joined a regular big fitness center, I would have once again not gone even once. The only thing that got me to that gym was the person who was waiting for me to arrive. When she asked how I was feeling, I surprised myself by answering,”Scared.” It has now been three months. I have lost 18 pounds and I am getting strong. I can do things today that I couldn’t even imagine doing three months ago. My gym is owned by a couple who are Paleo enthusiasts. My trainer has written several Paleo cookbooks. I have quite eating grains and sugar, but nothing fanatical. I’m definitely not fully Paleo. And that’s okay for now.
2. Last summer I went to an incredibly nourishing writing retreat in Taos, New Mexico. It was a week of writing and learning and spiritual recovery. I came home feeling blessed. I will probably go again next year.
3. I still have a teenager living with me. He is 19 now and a lovely person. Except when he thinks I don’t know anything and shirks the truth to do whatever he wants to do. At those times I miss my privacy and solitary life. At those times I think enough is enough. But mostly I don’t think that, so we go on.
4. My orange tree is loaded this year. I thought they were mandarins, which would be such a wonderfulness. But today I’m thinking they might be tangerines. They have seeds. I’m disappointed about that, although the flavor is pretty good. I hope they get a little better once it gets a little colder at night.
5. NaNoWriMo has begun and I haven’t even pretended that I’m going to do it this year. Duh, if I can barely write a word how would I write a novel in a month? I wouldn’t, that’s how.Just like the last few years when I started without really starting. A dud year.
6. My class is finally using iPads in class. We are using Edmodo as our home base, and I assign things there. They hand them in on Edmodo and it’s pretty great. I had to hide the cameras behind a password for now because they just couldn’t get enough of those silly Photo Booth photos. I realize that our kids are accustomed to using electronics for fun only. Photos, Snap Chat, games and other social media. It’s no wonder that when I give them an iPad to use they go straight to the fun stuff. If they’re to become how we do school they have to learn to see beyond all that, to the schoolie possibilities. So far we have used four apps: Edmodo, Flashcards+, Educreations (a little) and Accelerated Reader. I used to worry about how I’d teach them to use so many apps, and how we would make them be the way we do school. Now I know that the way to teach them to use all those apps is one at a time. So we keep a little list of our so-far apps on the board in front of the class.
7. Last night I was heading out to my daughter Melissa’s house for Halloween sitting around, as I tried to avoid a wet low-hanging branch I whacked myself in the forehead with the corner of my car door. It hurt more than I could imaging anything hurting. (Except for my injured knee that hurt that badly earlier in the day when I whacked it on a chair.) I dissolved into tears and had to go lie on my bed and cry for a while. It suddenly occurred to me that I must be trying to do too much, too quickly if I was hurting myself twice in one day, so I just stayed home and didn’t move much for the rest of the night. I would have gone out and enjoyed the hot tub, but the next door neighbors were having a Halloween party at the top of their lungs, which kind of stole the magic from the crisp evening. So I watched an episode of Nate Berkus I’d DVR’d and went to bed.
8. I’ve been struggling in my mind, not in a written way, obviously, about how much personal stuff to put in a blog post. I tend to think it should be kind of general, but where is the interest in that? I think people wouldn’t be interested in my personal take on things, but what else to I have? That’s it. So I’ve been not writing at all while I think it over. Duh.
This is a start. Is it enough? Why yes it is. I’ve managed to write quite a bit without erasing it or beating myself up. So I guess I’ll hit publish. And I think I’ll come back and do it again tomorrow, and maybe the day after that, until I find my rhythm agin. Now just maybe one more photo…