On Having Writer’s Angst

Light on the pathway. Magical.

Okay, I made that up “Writer’s Angst,” but I”m sure any writer out there will go, “Oh yea, I’ve had that.” Or something like it. I swear lately I have a deep feeling of angst every time I sit down to write. I look at my blog, and I think maybe it’s boring. I look at my stats and see that some days no one, really, NO ONE reads it. My teacher blog gets readers even when I don’t write for it, yet I insist on posting to this one. So I sit down and think about what I’ll write about that could be interesting, relateable, profound, humorous – anything that might make people glad they took the time to check in and read. And of course, with that attitude, nothing comes to mind that seems vaguely interesting. It’s the attitude.

A writer has to write. Doesn’t matter who or if anyone reads it. It doesn’t, and I need to keep that in mind. Sometimes I just seem to forget that part of who I am. I am a writer. Simple as that. But when I don’t write, what am I? A wonderer or a thinker? I don’t know. It’s the same way with photography for me lately. At times I’m an avid photographer, but lately my photos look pretty  really bad. Out of focus, weak light, poor composition. Very discouraging. So hm. What am I saying here? The things that I love to do/need to do aren’t happening and I feel like I’m losing touch with that part of myself.

I just don’t seem to be able to fit school and myself into the same life lately. I’m up at 5:00 and hit the pillow at 9:30 at night. I have time when I get home to do whatever I want to, but I’m so tired out that I don’t do much of anything. Except I still work out. And often I take walks when I get home, so I don’t really think it’s a physical tiredness. I think it’s the end of the school year and I’m overfull of thirteen-year-old energy. Yadayadayada all day long.  Some days, I come home and I don’t want to say a single word. Poor Alex. I just want to be left alone.

In two weeks I’ll be bathed in quiet. Time to re-energize, write and take some pictures. I’ve had the first line of a new project rattling around in my head for weeks. I’ll finally write it down and see where it takes me if I give it the time it needs to percolate and develop. Two. More. Weeks.

Ready.

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12 thoughts on “On Having Writer’s Angst

  1. Tammy Holthouse says:

    Lynn, your honesty is so refreshing and I think we all feel a little of what you write, we just can’t put it into words like you do. It’s a gift, being able to verbalize feelings. I feel so much but don’t take the time ever to write.
    When I read what you write my soul goes, yea, what she said! How nice someone like you is a writer for those of us who don’t have the gift….AND you are sharing it!
    The lights on the pathway are so magical, I have them too. Such a simple thing but so amazing. Nice picture:)
    Love you.

  2. Lisa Weikel says:

    Lynn, I try to read every post you publish. I’m sorry I sometimes lose track.

    I admit; sometimes I feel daunted when I see you’ve written *yet another* post, when I’ve gone probably close to if not more than a year without posting on my blog.

    See that? I can’t even bring myself to LOOK at my blog long enough to see how long it’s been since I last posted an entry.

    So, I guess you could say that I am intimately familiar with “writer’s angst.” Yeah. Far too intimate, in fact.

    From my perspective, you’re to be forgiven for not feeling motivated to write lots of posts while winding down the school year. That’s fantastic news, though, that you’re continuing to work out – and walk. Wow! That’s impressive!

    I hope you’ll go a little easy on yourself these next two weeks. Let that great idea for a new project percolate. DON’T stop writing.

  3. lynnjake says:

    Lisa, you are such a great blog reader and commenter. I love it when you comment on what I’ve written. I sometimes lose track of what a social thing blogging is. I love that, and am also somewhat daunted by it at times. Because I understand the social aspect of it, I fear writing something of little interest, and forget that it’s also just about me needing to keep writing. Thanks for your input on this. I really appreciate it.

  4. Paula TrucksPape says:

    “A writer has to write. Doesn’t matter who or if anyone reads it.” So true. I both need and fear an audience. Is that what makes writers neurotic? 🙂 I also know the end of the school year drag. Everyone wants to be done, the weather is great and (at least back then) there are tests to take, papers to grade and final evaluations. No wonder you’re tired. But I’m glad you’re “ready”.

  5. Mary G. says:

    I have bookmarked Reduction Physics and will check the boxes below about comments and new posts. I can’t promise to completely catch-up on all back entries but I realize what I’ve been missing! So pleased for your summer-to-come…enjoy.

  6. lynnjake says:

    Thanks Mary! I really appreciate your reading and the comment. It’s nice to know you’ll be checking in now and then! You probably could let the back entries go – I’ve been writing here since 2008. It’s been a while! Take care. Will I see you in Taos this summer?

  7. Mary Ginnane says:

    Not this summer Lynn. I’m still riding on the inspiration from last summer (meaning still working on my regular writing practice!) Will miss seeing everyone…

  8. kd0602 says:

    Yep…a writer has to write. I’m also trying to get back into a writing habit that has started to slide. I definitely know that feeling of writer’s angst–when the words that my fingers type or write don’t measure up to what my mind is hoping for. Thanks for putting into words what so many of the rest of us feel. Glad you are pushing through your writer’s angst and writing anyway!

    Kim

  9. lynnjake says:

    Interesting comment, Kim. I think your writing is so tender and lovely, that it’s hard to imagine it’s not what you intend! I guess we all feel the angst, indeed.

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