It’s been a while.

I haven’t posted on this blog for a while, yet people keep checking in.  That is a compliment and a testament of faith that I will one day write here again.  You may not mean it to be such, but that is how I perceive it, so thank you.  It’s been a long month or so, and at times I considered just shutting this down.  I could no longer remember my purpose for writing it.  My mother has been seriously ill, and that has caused me to rethink my life and my stance toward everything I do.  I suppose it’s my own mortality that I’ve been mired in thinking about.  I mean, shouldn’t my life be worth something to someone besides myself?  What is my purpose, and do I think I’ll achieve anything in what’s left of it?  By achieve I don’t mean money, although I’d be really happy to not always be counting my last dollar until payday.  I mean surely I should be pursuing one of the many interests I’ve accrued in my lifetime and be getting really good at doing whatever it is.  I’ve come to believe that teaching is not what I’m especially good at anymore, since I moved to the middle school level.  My students are learning what the powers-that-be have determined they need to know, and although it leaves me less than enthused, I’m doing my job, and overall, I like the kids. I could live with that, if I had something else to do that makes me feel satisfied.  I just need something to do that I am passionate about that isn’t work.

For a while now I’ve been making a list of what my friends and acquaintances are passionate about, or at least what they do when they aren’t working.  I’m impressed by their dedication and accomplishment and wonder what sustains me in that way.  I take lots of photos and they are on Flickr, but none are ever printed or shared in any other way.  I write occasionally, but obviously not all that much, as this blog can attest.  Maybe this is a transitional time.  For a long time I was so excited about my work and reading and studying and writing about it, that took all my focus.  I identified myself with that.  Now, not so much.  Along the way there have been other things I’ve enjoyed doing or wanted to learn to do, but my work took precedence.  The main thing I do now is go out to the Sacramento River and take pictures of the sunset.  I walk as far as there is to walk, and after the show is over I go home.  My iPhoto is full of beautiful sunsets.

I’m mired in clutter at home, and I think maybe that’s the root of my stuckness.  In Vicki White’s feng-shui blog she says “clutter holds your dreams.”  Maybe that’s my unmotivator.  All the books and paper piled up around here.  The fabric, oh so much fabric.  It’s so beautiful and even though I haven’t quilted in 18 years, I can’t let go of it all.  I was really good at quilting, and letting the fabric go is saying I won’t do it again. The textiles I bought in Laos?  I love to travel, and that was my last trip.  In 2003.  I have no place to display it, and yet.  The books are another accumulation I hang on to.  One bookcase is full of children’s books, another with young adult books.  Hundreds of them.  There are lots of novels all over, upstairs and down.  I have one shelf of feng shui and home decorating books, teacher books, photography and craft books, and three large magazine containers full of Sun Magazine.  How do I let go of those?  Oh, it makes me tired to even think about it.  Isn’t that a symptom of my clutter holding my dreams?  How do I have the energy to dream, to follow (or find) my passions if I’m worn out just by thinking about all my stuff?

Okay.  Having written that I guess I see how clutter is holding my dreams.  Maybe I have found a new purpose for this blog, as well.  I think I’ll commit to posting here every week at a minimum and see what evolves.  Hopefully it will be me.

Free for the next two weeks…

Today is December 17th and for the next 18 days I am on vacation.  No more middle schoolers laughing and jumping around for two weeks.  No more 4:30 A.M. wakeups or hunting around for something to wear to school that I haven’t already worn this week.  No more lockdowns because of a (apparently bogus) threatened gang fight with weapons.  Guns.  That happened yesterday and it completely locked me down.  Brought up too much old stuff that lies buried deep in the heart of me.  Sigh.  Vacation…what a concept!  I have already begun my time off with an afternoon nap. I have a jumble of things in my head that I’d like to do or accomplish during this time, and  I need to think them through so I don’t just spend a week of it on Facebook or worse, in Farmville.  I could easily do that, really.  Planting and harvesting, rearranging things…I feel brain dead about now, and status quo is always easier to maintain than generating new movement.  That clearly won’t serve my needs, however, so I’d better make an alternate plan.

Today I read a blog post about holiday season overload (read stress) that suggested that one think about (and write down, naturally) how you want to feel by Christmas Eve.  I would extend that to January 4, when I go back to work.  (I want to feel rested, prepared for another onslaught of seventh graders, healthy and  innovative.  And prepared.  Did I say prepared?) The next part of the exercise was to make a list of everything you need to do between now and then (my list could be an entire blog post meme – one of those 100 things about me lists).  The last step is to cross off everything on the list that will not lead to the feeling you wrote initially.

At first I kind of sniffed at this exercise.  “That’s kind of basic.  I’d like something a little more inspiring.  Something with more steps to it.”  Now I think that exercise is a perfect way to begin this vacation.  Short and sweet, but not really simple.  I could still make a list of 100 things to do that would all pertain to how I want to feel, so the need for simplicity is within me, not the exercise.  So, let me try to break those goals down just a little.  I said I want to feel:

Rested. I took an hour nap this afternoon and when I awoke I thought I hadn’t even been to sleep.  I have been wrangling with insomnia lately, and rather than try for an extra miserable hour of sleep I get up.  At 3:30 or 4:00 A.M.  Not good for the body or mind when bedtime stays at 10:00 or later.  So sleep is on my agenda.  Definitely.

Prepared for another onslaught of seventh graders. Details about this are available in my other blog that is all about them, so here I’ll just say that preparation is everything, and I need to create space and time for more of it.  Even do a chunk of it during this vacation.  That places some housecleaning on my agenda, since walking into my office is next to impossible at the moment.

Healthy. Oh me.  Lately I have been eating anything that is placed before me and some things that aren’t.  I have not been exercising despite frequent visits with a physical therapist for a knee injury.  I feel clogged up and a little numb in my mind.  So healthy would look like vegetables, green drinks and a daily walk.  And knee exercises.

Innovative. I have an idea for a way to change my classes that is exciting to me, and hopefully will make their two daily hours in my class better for my students.  It will require some research and more planning.  I feel a teacher inquiry project coming on and am excited about the prospect.  Again, that is for the other blog, but related to this vacation.

As you can tell, I am so freshly out of school that I can’t even think about anything other than that.  Deep breath…there is life after seventh grade, and I plan to find some of it, if only for a couple of weeks.

Week in a Sentence Release, with love.

I’m finally home from Philadelphia.  What a great week – from sessions at the NWP meeting, to Independence Hall, a fun Writing marathon and Philly Cheese Steaks, it was really edifying and so much fun.  The trip home was grueling, but we arrived with  vouchers for round trip tickets to anywhere in the continental U.S., and my own bed was waiting at the end of it all, so I have no complaints!  Here are the sentences for last week, with all the love they carry, along with links to their blogs.  This is a good chance to curl up and read some really interesting blogs!  The sentences don’t need any commentary from me as they all speak from the heart:

Ken Allan:

If by this muse love’s music rings untrue
Let this then be the last I ring for you.

newmiddle-earth.blogspot.com/

Tracy Rosen:

I love my students and who I can be when I am with them.

leadingfromtheheart.org

Connie Weber:

I simply LOVE being immersed in discussions about the latest research on neuroscience; here in Cambridge at the Learning and the Brain Conference, I am trying to upload the memory boards in my own personal brain, and got a list of what to increase: reflective time (!), exercise, and, of course, some F2F personal time with friends.
firesidelearning.ning.com

Shaun:

I love sunny Saturday afternoons in my hammock.

shaunwoodictblog.blogspot.com

Mathew:

Two weeks until graduate school is over and done with and I can begin blogging again.

needleworkspictures.com/ocr/blog

sarah p-c:

knowing that no matter how crazy life gets, it’ll all get done – i love that.

sarap-c.blogspot.com

Kevin, as always has set a new bar with his sentence! (The bar is high for me, indeed, as I hope I can figure out how to embed this long code!)  He says: (In the vein of loving exploration, I created a Prezi of my sentence. I just learned how to use it yesterday. — Kevin)

It is called Day in a Sentence: Love.  It is lovely.  After attempting it in at least six different ways, however, I seem to be completely inept at embedding this prezi, so here is the link to it:

http://prezi.com/ec1vvoas7dnc/

dogtrax.edublogs.org

Alicia, at stuckinmypedals:

I found love in the sky yesterday as my plane flew out in a pink Redding sunrise and arrived in the red of a Philadelphia sunset.

blogs.norcalwp.org/alicia/

Sara:

Tonight, I love listening to my daughters (ages 7 and 5) fight with each other about who is going to read to mama (me) first.

Jim:

I love the unseasonably warm weather this week here in Michgian.

theskinny.edublogs.org

Gail P:

I will LOVE seeing November finally come to a close so the report cards and long term sub plans are finished at last!

poulingail.edublogs.org

Bonnie Kaplan (of blkdrama) and I worked on our NaNoWriMo novels together in Philly:

I LOVE spending time in the city of LOVE writing with YOU!

digitalbonnie.com

Elona Hartjes: Congratlations to you!

Yesterday was our 42nd wedding anniversary-that’s a lot of love.

teachersatrisk.com

Anne Mirtschin:

I love meeting my online friends and have met many of them including Clay Burell ex Korea, whilst attending the two day Learning Technologies conference in Queensland.

murcha.wordpress.com

Mary in Missouri:

I love the photo opportunity the three inches of feather-like snowflakes provided this week.

missouriwestern.edu/plwp

Cheryl Oakes:

I love when my students say, “Mrs. Oakes, we love our NING site!”

cheryloakes.com

Paul Bogush:

I love starting class off with a story.

blogush.edublogs.org

Delaine (dkzody):

While continuing to teach my classes, I am packing boxes for our San Francisco apartment.

dkzody@wordpress.com

Nancy:

Even though I LOVE my daughter, I do not LOVE the early advent of the Terrible Twos. *sigh*

sehacecamino.com

Janice Robertson:

Although I love giving children deep, rich questions to solve in math class, I do NOT love the amount of time one question consumes nor how far behind I get week after week.

web.me.com/janicerobertson

And I’ll end with my own sentence:

I’m loving being here in Philadelphia, sharing friendship, ideas and laughter with so many good friends from all over the United States.  And I’m also loving being back home again, getting ready for Thanksgiving with my family.

Thanks everyone for participating!

Week in a Sentence from Philadelphia

Hello Everyone,

It’s my turn to host the Week in a Sentence extravaganza, and I’m excited to be doing so from Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love.  I’m attending the National Writing Project’s Annual Meeting here, attending some great presentations and meeting up with so many special friends from all over the country.  Given all this, I’d like to suggest that you include the word “Love” in your sentence somehow this week.  Just add your sentence as a comment to my blog and I’ll collect them until Sunday afternoon, when I will release them.  I look forward to reading your sentences this week!

Here is mine:

I’m loving being here in Philadelphia, sharing friendship, ideas and laughter with so many good friends from all over the United States.

It’s November: NaNoWriMo!

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m absent from this blog at the moment. Once again it is NaNoWriMo time and I am working sort of feverishly on my novel yet again. Doing this project makes writing in my blog look oh, so attractive. Short concise posts, adorned with a photo. No dialogue, no longterm commitment to any uncontrollable characters. Writing in my blog in November is an expensive (timewise) distraction to my mounting wordcount. I mean, I’ve already written 60 words in this post that could’ve gone toward my goal of 50,000 this month. So I’ve gotta go. We’ll see if I post any snippets of the novel here. I might be onto something today, but don’t hold your breath. You’d do just as well to wait for December.

I’ll just post a little self portrait I took out at the river yesterday. And then I’ll be back after I hit 50K! Have a good month!!

My Favorite Apps

Oh yes, I have an iPhone and I looove it.  Really, this is the most useful piece of technology I can think of.  It’s in close competition with my new MacBook Pro.  Sometimes I forget how useful it is, and I just play solitaire on it a lot, but then I need something and I remember to go look to see if “there’s an app for that.”  And usually there is.   So today I thought I’d share some of my faves here.  I do like to share them, and writing about them will allow me to further postpone the flurry of housecleaning that was underway until I took this break.  (Hence, if you think this is the most boring topic you can imagine, just come back in a few days and it’ll be something else.)

So without further adieu, here is my short list of some apps I especially like, sort of arranged in categories:

Photography: Camera Genius (zoom lens, the whole screen is the shoot button.) Color Splash (you take a color photo, make it black and white, then recolor only certain parts.) Photogene (Broad range of photo editing devices.) PhotoShare (This one beams a photo to another iPhone.) Klick (direct access to Flickr.) and of course, Flickr.

Budgeting: iXpenseit (This is so cool for watching how you spend money.  It’s my current best one.)

Productivity: Like I’m productive?  If I was productive I wouldn’t be doing this right now.  But, I do have one called Things.  It’s sort of a simple way of keeping track of projects and to-dos.  I always forget to use it – go figure – but it looked so good when I got it.  I think I am just challenged in this department.  I”ll probably start really using it any day now.

Weight Maintenance: Lose It!  This enables you to keep track of what you eat, and set a calories budget for the day as well as weight loss goals.  It also lets you look up the calories in the food you eat.  I’m better at inputting my money than my food, but this one has super potential.  (If you’re not me.)  Gym ABC is one that helps you set up a training program, right on your phone.  I will definitely be using both of these a lot.  Pretty soon.

Books and Music:  Shazam (Identifies music playing so you can find and buy it if you want.  It’s a little temperamental, but works well if you aren’t too far from the music.) Pandora (This one is sooo cool.  You just input an artist and it goes and finds a radio station that plays that music or other music like it.  And then your phone acts like a radio.)

Other:  Sunrise (this one tells at what time the sun will rise and set wherever you are.  Or you can input another location I think.  I like this cause I like to get to the river on time for the sunset, or a little early.  This helps me plan.)  App Gems (This one lists MacWorld’s current favorite apps.)  Solebon Solitaire. (A whole bunch of solitaire games.  Addicting.) Koi Pond (Novelty, it is what it says.  You touch the screen and water splashes quietly, the koi swim away.  I know, over the top.  I didn’t buy it but I do like it!)

Which brings me to the cost part.  They weren’t all free, and a couple actually cost $5.00.  But I’ve only done that twice.  The rest were $2.00 or less and most were free.  So, what are your favorite apps?

That ole’ man river, he just keeps movin’ along.

For the past several weeks, on Saturday and Sunday in the late afternoon I’ve had to go to the river to see the end of the day.  Something just pulls me out there.  And of course, my photographer self doesn’t think I’ve seen something unless I can look at it again later, which has produced a prodigous collection of sky shots.  Today I stood on the bank, watching the sky and the river moving by and I remembered that song, “Old Man River.”

I suddenly remembered, in a different way from before, about  the magic of a river.  The sameness of its movement; whether summer low or winter high, crashing rapids or placid meandering, it just keeps on moving.  Sun up, sun down, moon or no, it does the same thing all the time.  Sometimes in summer it seems to be benign, just a shallow current, its holes and snags hidden from sight.  Then sometimes in winter it rises up and takes over, breaking levees and taking homes, trees, animals and sometimes people with it.  Its power is undeniable in flood season.  And so captivating.  No matter its threat, one is drawn to see it, to see how high it is, whether it has taken over the road yet, whether this year it’ll be even higher than last.

In past years, I’ve spent a quite a bit of time on this and other rivers, but it’s been a long time on dry land for me now.  I always counted on my partner to put the canoe on the truck, to generate the motivation to get to the river.  I just packed a lunch and went.  Today as I watched that water determinedly, placidly moving along I wanted to go along with it. I felt landlocked, stranded on the shore.  I wanted to just gut up and follow the current.  That feeling is a parallel to other things in my life that I feel unable to do.  Maybe it’s time to shift that stuckness, just a little, just to see what could happen.