Making Things, Me, and Facebook

I love making things.  I’m not much of a drawer, but I love the interplay of brilliant colors interacting against a deep black background.  When I discovered Amish quilts in about 1981 I embarked on a short career of making heavily hand-quilted works of solid color fabrics, always with a black background.  After a few years of that, I became a teacher and quit quilting.  My creativity needs were sort of satisfied by my work, and it took all of my quilting time.

After a few years, I began to feel the itch for intense bursts of color again and I began making mandalas with Prismacolor pencils on Artagain black artists paper.  They were kind of a meditative thing, and for  while I carried around my colored pencils and little squares of black paper.  I’d stick those little guys in my journal. Each year my students made mandalas as part of a career project.  I’d buy them nice paper and they poured their hearts into making them.  Interestingly, most of them left their work with me when they graduated, so I suppose it meant more to me than it did to them.  I still have them all, and no one has ever asked for them back, or even to see them again.  I hardly ever do anything like this any more.

It seems like before I had a computer, and before there was Facebook, I did a lot of things that satisfy my need for creative expression.  I could sit down and work on something for an hour or four and feel content with myself.  I cleaned my house every Saturday morning.  I planted flowers and occasionally a tomato or a pepper.  What has happened to me?  My natural sloth has taken over, my free time filled by surfing around on the internet, looking at pictures of other people’s parties and food on Facebook, and playing Angry Birds and Words With Friends.  My art supplies are right here next to me, and my fabric is sitting in bins in the closet.

That’s why I took a little sabbatical from Facebook.  I had to just stop and look around a little.  Detach from that net that sucks me in so easily.  I will admit to peeking a little at who was doing what, but I refrained from posting or commenting on anything for about three weeks.  I enjoyed that, really.  It gave me a chance to distance myself from it all.  I go there again now, but not as much or as often.   I realize now that I will probably not leave Facebook for good, as I appreciate the opportunity to connect with people who I would otherwise miss, as well as the links to interesting information and ideas that people post.  However, for me it seems like a good idea to take off a week or so a month, just to retain the balance I need between all areas of my life.  Like cleaning my house and watching an occasional sunset.  Maybe even writing a little bit, or taking a few photos.  My word for the year is “Balance.”  Maybe I should say, “Creating balance,” because it’s exercising my creativity that keeps me on an even keel.  I like that.

What about you?  What keeps you on balance?

Transitioning

When I was a little girl, my mom began to dye her hair.  She initially just wanted to cover the gray, and eventually she went from brunette to blonde, where she stayed for many years.For some reason it bothered me a little, and I remember asking her once how long she planned to keep dyeing it.  She winked and said, “As long as I can get away with it.”  End of story.   I believe she did finally quit dyeing it, but the change wasn’t noticeable because it had become white.  She was beautiful to the end, at any rate.

I too, began going gray at a fairly early age.  I began to highlight my hair when I was in my forties, I think, to blend the gray into the rest.  Eventually, the highlights became my hair color, and I was blonde.  I never thought of myself as such, but photos don’t lie! In the past year or so, I changed hairdressers and changed my color tactic.  She began combining dark and light streaks, which with the gray made a pretty good look, I thought. However, it was becoming noticeable that the roots had no dark streaks.  At the roots it appears to be all grey.  Transparent, even.  I used to look at those grey/white roots and gulp uncomfortably.

Coincidentally, last month I received an email from a colleague which contained a link to Cindy Joseph’s website.  My friend said, “Your twin!” I can’t say I agree that I resemble this beautiful woman, but her website really caught my attention.  She is all about women owning their years, making the transition from hiding their ages to glorying in their years.  I’d been thinking about my comments to my mom when she was about my age, and had been asking myself the same question.  How long are you going to do this coverup?

It niggled at me for several weeks.  I ordered Cindy’s cosmetics and fell in love with the colored one – the lipstick/rouge stick.  In early December, when it was time to color my hair again, I had a talk with my hairdresser.  I told her I was thinking about transitioning to my natural color, and what did she think.  Surprisingly, she was enthusiastic about it.  She offered to only add a couple of blonde streaks this time to blend it, and then wait and see.  She said I could always to back to coloring it if I didn’t like how I looked.   I’m now two hairdos past my last full-on dye job.  It’s becoming noticeable, and several people have commented on it.  Although the comments have been pretty positive, I find I’m past being influenced by what someone else thinks of it.

Along with watching my hair color change, I am noticing other changes within myself.  I feel somehow more centered, owning my own power.  In Spanish we say, “Yo tengo sesenta y dos años.” I have sixty two years.  They are me, they are within and without my being.  They are not something to be ashamed of; on the contrary.  These years have taught me so much, and enabled me to share so much with others.  They have brought pain, joy, silliness and even a bit of wisdom.  I wouldn’t return to any other age for anything.  So why try to hide those years with hair dye?  Somehow the owning of my hair color is leading to ownership of something else with myself, and I sort of doubt I’ll ever go back to covering my gray. ( I am not without vanity, however.  I do plan to keep a cute haircut.  I won’t get a short perm or rinse it with blueing.  Well, unless it is a yellowy gray…Hm.)

We’ll see if I keep this feeling as the gray creeps further from my head.  Right now, I look a little punk.  Dark underneath, light on top.  Here’s the current status:

My granddaughter told me it looks a little weird. I told her it was a style, and that I thought it was very cool. She stared at me and thought about it a little, nodded and said, “You’re pretty.”  High approval from a twelve-year old!  There’s a first time for everything.  I’ll keep you posted on this transition.  I only hope I can do it as gracefully as my mom did.

Happy New Year! (Finally!)

Well, it took a while to get here.  All that thinking and reflecting and all really kind of slowed the time down, until all of a sudden here it is, another new year.  Don’t you love this image?  Crystal clear water, looking like it’s stopped and then suddenly it’s rushing over the edge of the dam, carrying everything along with it.  Time is kind of like that sometimes.  It seems stopped until it’s suddenly going so fast, and nothing can stop it.  So many times I remember wanting to change something that just wasn’t working for me, and it seemed beyond my capacity to do anything to change it.  Until it was time for the change to happen, and then nothing could hold it back.

I feel like 2012 might be like that.  It seems to me that lots of things have been in a holding pattern for a while now, and it feels like underneath things are picking up.  It will be interesting to watch the changes that are coming, that’s for sure.

Doing all that writing last week, answering the seven questions I mentioned two posts back really made me think.  It was a good thing for me to do, and gave me reason to look at some things I’d have missed otherwise.  I’ve decided that my word for this year is “Balance.”  With a subtext of clarity.  I recommend taking a look at those questions for yourself.  You might like where they lead you.  Or not.  Different things strike different people.  Anyway, I wish you a happy new year, one of balance and clarity.  Joy to the world!

The Next to the Last Day of 2011

Here I sit, finishing off the year 2011.  It’s possible that I’ve posted this mandala before on this blog, but if so it was some time ago, and I still think it’s appropriate that it find its way back.  A mandala is a tool for focus, and that is something I’ve been a little short of lately.  If lately is a couple of years, that is.  As I wind down this old year I’ve found lots of people’s ideas about how to work one’s way out of the old year and into the new one.  I like almost all of them, however trying to do them all is a fool’s undertaking.  I am sorting and looking at what might work for me.  I decided to answer the seven questions, and I’ve been doing that every day this past week.  So far so good, however the last couple of questions haven’t exactly stirred anything much in me, so I’m sifting and sorting today.  This past year was a little difficult for me, and I’m looking to enter the new one with consciousness of my intention.  That sounds pretty weighty, doesn’t it?

Too weighty for the moment.  I prefer simplicity.  I think maybe a good idea is to make a list of the things that interest me, that bring me peace and fill my heart.  Then create a way to bring more of that into my next year. So, here goes with the list:

Colors.  Fabric, colored pencils, sunsets and sunrises.  Flowers and photographs, beads and yarn.  Making things that are beautifully colorful.

A Peaceful heart.  Sitting quietly, listening to music or not, doing nothing at all other than just sitting there, breathing.  Oh, that’s meditation isn’t it?

Words.  Reading them, writing them, sharing them with friends.

Open air and light.  Clear spaces, with just enough stuff to be useful, and all of it just what I love.

People.  All the ones I love to be with.  My children, family and friends, my students, meeting new people.

Making good food.  Food that nourishes and pleases at the same time.

Visiting new places, bringing back new ways of seeing the world.

This list could go on and on, but I have come up with an idea or two.  I am going to make a “Vision Board” today and tomorrow as a mockup for what I’d like to experience this coming year.  Some things will be specific, others just a vision of possibility.  I will post it in a place where I see it often, to keep the ideas fresh.

I am considering taking a “Facebook fast” for a while.  I think I spend too much time lurking around Facebook instead of doing something else.  It’s so easy to just click on and see who’s doing what and to comment on things, to post a flock of photos and wait for my friends to like them.  Some people seem to be able to just check in once in a while, but not me.  Nope, for me it’s kind of like eating cookies.  Once I start, I lose control.   I don’t want to leave Facebook for good, but think it would be therapeutic to just take a “fast” for a while.  Maybe a month?  Hm.  I’ll miss people there.  It’s kinda like “Second Life.”  Does anyone play that anymore?  Or has it been replaced by Facebook?  This is growing into a fervor as I write about it.  Maybe that means it’s the right thing to do.

Okay.  That’s enough of what I’m going to do.  Too much planning often leads to complete immobilization, and I don’t want that.  So…I’ll keep you posted.  What about you, what are your plans or intentions for this new year that’s about to begin?

The Year in Review, a Second Glance

This has been a good week for the birds and sunsets.  Actually, one good sunset, daily good sunrises that I’ve mostly missed.  I have been answering daily questions posted by a group of teachers.  Not school teachers, like myself, but meditation and organization and life coach sorts of teachers.  Each day a question is posted, and each day I answer it before I go to bed.  Here are the questions so far:

Day #1:  Question: Where have I learned and lived in 2011? In my head, in my body, or both? What would living more fully in my body in 2012 bring to me? How can I embody life and learning as I move through this barely perceptible threshold space between now and next? How can I more fully learn from the neck down in 2012? (Patty Digh)

Day #2:  Question: In what way have I been living in the shadows in 2011? How might my life change if I came out into the light in 2012? What strengths could I discover and share if I gave up hiding my weaknesses?

Sometimes we stay hidden, fearful that others might see our wounds and blemishes. We think we’re the only ones who bear them. But I find that when I expose my weaknesses, I give others permission to expose theirs, too. There, beneath the light and in between the blemishes, we find we have strengths we never noticed before. Hiding becomes far less appealing and we’re drawn to living instead. In 2011, what were you hiding all year? What could you do to stop hiding in 2012? What treasures will you find when you step out into the light? (Ken Roberts)

Day #3: Question:  When I look back over 2011 and think about how time, choices and objects have been organized, do I see harmony and ease? Did I seek out the natural place for things to land and rest? Where did I struggle to force things into literal or figurative containers? Do I recognize the order in the universe and see my life reflected in that order?

Organization is about recognizing what ‘enough’ looks like and feels like; about holding things loosely while learning deep appreciation for the comfort, convenience, beauty and functionality that objects offer. When I clutch, grab, or hold something too closely or tightly, instead of creating a feeling of safety and security, what grows is a sense of anxiety and fear—that the object will break, be lost or assert its impermanence in some other way.  Possession often hastens the outcome I hoped to prevent.  The things I intended/expected to increase the quality of my life begin distracting me from that quality.

What can I do in 2012 to move through time and space more harmoniously, recognizing that everything I need is within easy reach? How best can I release those things that no longer serve me (on any plane) to find new homes more suited to their purpose? How might I increase joy in equal or greater measure to my worldly accumulation? (Andrew Mellen)

Day #4: Question: How did I serve in 2011? Whom did I serve? What aspects of my service brought me alive? What aspects drained me? If I could serve in any way possible in 2012, what would I create? Let your imagination run wild.

Service can sound so dull and feel so heavy, something only really good (cue white toothy smile) people do or something you do to other people for their own good. Yuck. Let’s ditch those ideas. Instead, try on the idea that service is your heart’s desire made visible. Service is the act of sharing what you most care about for the greater good. It requires no special goodness, thankfully. After our basic needs are met, we all yearn to make a difference and service springs from listening to that yearning – and taking action on it, step by little step.

Service makes you tingle with aliveness like all true acts of intimacy. It’s deeply creative, generative, and yes, risky, because it means you share your heart. It’s also as natural as breathing, and like breathing, must include giving and receiving.  (Jennifer Louden)

That’s it so far.  You may want to join in answering these questions for yourself.  I’m enjoying the reverie and soul searching that is being stimulated by them.  I find myself in resistance to Question #4 for some reason.  I’m looking forward to responding to it today, just to see if I can uncover the source of that feeling.

My daily responses are too wordy to post here (and possibly uninteresting for anyone but myself to read) , but at the end I’ll post a summary of what I’ve learned.  It’s a pretty satisfying exercise, all in all.  Try it out and let me know what you think!

Update:  Here are the rest of the questions.

Day #5: Question: What have I learned about living the creative life in 2011? And how will it change what and how I create moving forward?

I was somehow delivered into this life with the mad Jones to create, but not the ability to handle the process without a fair amount of anxiety. To do what I’m here to do, I figured, I’d have to suffer. But, I’ve now come to a different understanding. Action in the face of uncertainty is essential to creation. To life, really. How we experience that walk into the unknown is much more a matter of choice and practice. We can choose to frame and experience it not just as pain, but as elevation. It’s not easy, but the question isn’t whether it’s easy, it’s whether it’s worth the effort. I’m very much in the beginning of this learning, but so far, the reward has far outpaced the effort. So, as we move into a new year, what would you venture to create if you felt equipped to handle whatever the process brought you? (Jonathan Fields)

Day #6: Question: Where, how, and with whom have spiritual values such as gentleness, kindness, and bravery shown up in my life is 2011? Are these the qualities I hold as the highest spiritual values, or are there others? Where, how, and with whom do I wish to express/manifest/share them in 2012?

The Dalai Lama has famously said, “My religion is simple. My religion is kindness.” There are certain qualities that transcend all belief systems and these can be thought of as spiritual values. For me, gentleness (defined as opening to and accepting yourself from moment to moment, feeling what you feel without judgment or agenda), kindness (feeling, knowing, and acting as if all beings are just like me in that they seek love and happiness), and bravery (inviting my fears, confusion, and personal nuttiness as part of the path) are among those values.

How about you? How did 2011 meet or defeat your spiritual journey? Where do you long to go in 2012? Use today’s question to lead you further along the path.  (Susan Piver)

Day #7: Question: Has my art been brave enough?

Art is a uniquely human endeavor, and act of genius. Art is what we do when we do something for the first time, do it uniquely, and do it to touch someone else. The generosity is built into the act. Painting might be art, pottery might be art, customer service might be art–but none of them are art if all you’re doing is commerce, or phoning it in, or following a manual or a map.

Art is where we expose ourselves, because in addition to being human, we really have no choice but to accept failure. And it’s failure (or the potential for failure) that creates art. When we talk about emulating the bodhisattva, we accept the risk that maybe we won’t touch anyone, won’t shed any light, won’t make a difference.

The only way to do art, real art, is to embrace that risk. To do less is to hide.  (Seth Godin)

I enjoyed answering these questions for myself.  They made me think about things in a different way, which I enjoyed a great deal.

 

Winding down another year

Well, it’s that time of year again.  The time when I once again start posting photos of migratory birds and Christmas-light-paintings and rethinking the year that’s finishing up.  I do this so I can secretly make New Year’s resolutions, except I say I don’t do that.  I say I’m more realistic than to make a resolution that I won’t be able to keep.  Blah, blah, blah.  I can deny it all I want, but really, who can resist the urge to take a look at what’s come before and plan for a better future?  So this may become a series of last-week-of-the-year posts, as I rummage around looking for what I learned in the  past months and what I might do about what I learned in the months to come.  I sort of think I need some categories to do a proper review.  Let’s see…

*  Work Life (Oh, yeah this one has its own blog.  Never mind.)

*  The books I read/ have read this year. (Not nearly as many as I read before I had all these iDevices.)

*  My artist life. (Really?  I have an artist life?  Hm.)

*  My life as a writer.  (How long has it been since I’ve posted to this blog?  When is the last time I finished NaNoWriMo?  Yeah, that part of my life.)

*  Being a friend and family member.

*  Living Paleo.  Yes, I am still working that out.

*  My spiritual life.

There, that’s six categories and an extra blog, and  there are, hm…ten days left in this year. I guess that will be enough for about a post a day, give or take a day off here and there.  I might even come up with another category or two, which will be fine.  I have time.  And now, here’s the Christmas light painting I promised…

Just to wind this up, here’s a Facebook update from my favorite philosopher and author, Paulo Coelho: “Time to get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful, and to open space in your heart for all the blessings (hidden or visible) that 2012 will bring.”  Yep, just like I said.

Paleo November

Well, I’m a few days into November, so guess it’s time to update my status with regard to my Paleo experiment. One of these day’s I’ll quit calling it that. It’ll just be what I do. Here’s my update as of November 12:

Weight: I’m down 13 pounds, and (drum roll, please!) yesterday I bought jeans in the regular Misses department for the first time in at least ten years. When I first entered the store, my intention was to try on pants “downstairs,” but there were so many choices there. I’m not used to that, so out of force of habit I went upstairs to the Plus size department. My granddaughter (Queen of Critical Vision when it comes to my clothing) was with me, and as I tried on pants I asked for her opinion. She just shook her head and said, “Biba, they’re too big.” Yippee!! So we went downstairs and sure enough, the pants there fit just fine. Not too tight at all. And not even the biggest size!! Lest this sound like I’m overamping on a pair of jeans, let me remind you that this was the first time in TEN YEARS (or more) that I could even look in this part of the store. So yeah. Woo Hoo.

Exercise: Oh, this is so not my best thing. I’m trying to understand the Paleo philosophy about exercise. Its something about cardio in short bursts. I’m all about riding my bike. I love my bike, but I can’t vouch for the level of exercise I get riding it. Soon it’ll be raining and that’ll be the end of even that. Hm. No promises, but it is on my mind and that’s all I’ll say about that.

Food: I’m a big egg eater lately. Salads, apples, once in a while some jerky. Bacon. I love bacon, but I want to back off on that because I feel like I’m just wallowing in salt and fat to make up for not getting my sugar quota anymore. Speaking of sugar…I’ve been much mellower about sugar lately. Not so much craving, able to be satisfied by an apple or some bacon. (Of questionable exchange value, I know.) Anyway, yesterday I decided I wanted some sugar. Specifically, some black licorice. So I went out to World Market and bought two kinds. Those wheel things and a bag of “licorice all-sorts.” I watched a movie and graded papers and ate black licorice as if it was perfectly okay to do because I hadn’t eaten any sugar in a while. (Ever since my coffee in the morning. Big deal.) Oh my gosh, I ended up with the worst stomach ache! Was it the sugar or the yucky licorice all-sorts? Who knows, but I’m not going there again any time soon. So there’s my food.

Overall: I feel good. Sort of triumphant, actually. Thinking I need to read Everyday Paleo to get more specific about this thing. I’m on a roll. We’ll see what the holidays bring!