On Becoming Stronger (solsc) 4/31

Twice a week for the past seven months I’ve been lifting heavy things. In between I take walks. I watch birds and the sky, and I take pictures. I pay attention to what I eat, but I don’t diet. Some of the old food cravings have gone away. Not all of them, but that’s okay. It’s up and down. Without struggle I have become stronger, and in some ways calmer and more centered. (Unless I’m having a caffeineogenic temper tantrum, which really only happened once and was totally justified).

At the beginning I wanted to lose weight, but I also wanted to become stronger and more flexible. I wanted to be able to carry my new baby granddaughter around. I wanted to get down on the floor and play with her. I feared that if I didn’t start, it’d be too late. So I signed on with a gifted trainer, and I just kept going until now this is all a way of life.  I am lucky to work with Sarah, as she knows just what to do to gently guide me in making this transformation.

As my body has become stronger and more flexible, my spirit has become stronger as well. It makes me happy to feel good, and I think I laugh more. I’m not afraid to do hard things. I hardly even remember being afraid to do things, but I was. I feared doing hard things and I feared getting old.

As I passed through my fifties,  I seemed to hover in a place between what was and what I expected. I remembered my grandparents and how they aged, expecting their style of old age to hit suddenly. Then I remembered my mom, whose aging was much more graceful. Her parents’ type of old age never hit her, so I don’t know why I expected it to hit me, but I did.

But not any more. Now I just feel good. Ready to take on whatever comes. Because when you feel strong, you feel whole. I feel like I’ve come full circle!