The Compulsion of Sugar (solsc2015) 24/31

My name is Lynn and I am a sugarholic.

This morning I walked into Starbucks and on my way back to the restroom, I noticed my mind cataloguing my favorite sugar in the place. I thought of the little round creme brulee caramels and the chocolate covered graham crackers, quickly sorting out my preference for dark chocolate over milk. Or maybe milk over dark… This all happened within 30 seconds of my entering the place, and was over within the same time span. I particularly noticed it because I have no intention of buying any of it. My mind just does it without any provocation on my part.

As we left, I was telling my daughter about it, and commenting that I know my favorite form of sugar in every place I go to more than once. At the Courthouse Cafe they have those gluten free chocolate dipped macaroons. They have even better ones at Tin Roof, the cafe I go to on Sunday mornings. At The Brick Coffehouse are those huge fudgy brownies. At Grana is this baked chocolate stuff called Boca Nero (black mouth? Yeah.) and at Raleys those crisp chocolatey Tate’s gluten free chocolate chip cookies.

There is also seasonal sugar. For Valentine’s Day, there are Russell Stover chocolate covered marshmallow hearts and those little chocolate mousse tortes at the bakery. For Easter, there are Peeps, of course, along with those hard shelled Cadbury chocolate eggs. And Russell Stover chocolate covered marshmallow eggs.Throughout the year are birthday cakes, at Halloween candy corn, bite-sized candy bars and Russell Stover chocolate covered marshmallow pumpkins. Thanksgiving is rife with pumpkin pie and whipped cream and at Christmas, oh my word. Christmas brings every sweet thing one can imagine. I make batch after batch of caramels every year to give to friends. But I can’t discount the Russell Stover chocolate covered marshmallow santas. Obviously, Russell Stover has a chocolate covered marshmallow something or another for every season. I should know.

Coffee Nips are good for driving (I mean, hello, they have coffee = caffeine=stay awake driving, right?? Not really.). World Market has those little peach gumdrop rings and all kinds of licorice and gummy everything. Last weekend I went to see Cinderella with my daughter and we got there too late to stop at Trader Joes or the Dollar Store and buy snacks. Without snacks, I fell asleep in the movie. True. The frenzy mounts!!

I always know where every bit of sugar in my home is located. Even if I’m managing to not eat it, I know where it is. And I replace it when it is gone. It doesn’t matter who will be eating it. I just need to know it’s there. Sometimes I even hide it. When I’m sad or mad or bored, even, my first instinct is to eat sugar. Chocolate. I’ve been known to stomp around, ripping the cupboards open looking for some chocolate when I’m in the eye of my hurricane of pique. When I caught myself doing that once, it kind of helped me to calm it. It’s so unattractive. Emotional sugar eating is the most driven kind. It’s when I can just say “Oh well. I’ll quit again tomorrow. Today I need sugar.” And not usually just a little. Just as much as there is available.

So what’s the big deal? Apart from battling my weight all my life, that is. First of all, I have no off switch when it comes to sugar. That’s the addiction part.  By not eating sugar I’ve learned to recognize how it inflames my body. I bloat up and the sugar headaches are mighty. A sugar headache will wake me from a sound sleep and keep me awake all night.The arthritis in my hands is aggravated by sugar, as is my asthma. There should be no question about whether I should or shouldn’t eat it. And yet…

So, I’m nearly sugar free these days. It only takes a little, though, to get me going again. Is it any wonder I decided a long time ago to forego drinking alcohol?

Yeah. My name is Lynn and I’m a sugarholic.